Ever since I graduated from college, they’ve been after me for money. I had to take out several loans to get my useless degree and it took me about 10 years to pay it all off. All through those 10 years, there was my college hitting me up for cash at every turn. It really made me feel like a failure because for some reason, everyone thought I would be making big bucks fresh out of college. And the truth is, everyone who looked at my resume - even the local recruiters - thought my college was located in the Caribbean on a remote foreign island or that it was an unaccredited junior college located off some dirt road.

So here we are, 20 years later and the college has kicked up the fundraising by trying to sell me an actual phone book with all my classmates contact info - but only the nine classes after I graduated - naturally. Hello! Heard of Facebook? Oh, but just using facebook doesn’t “support” the college. Since when does that college need MORE of my support? What’s in it for me? Honorable mention? Fuck You.