Letter of Remorse

The importance of forgiveness is always stressed when someone has been wronged in any regard. The new and improved definition of forgiveness is to accept that the past cannot be changed. That’s acceptable considering that no one can change the past but how many people sit and fantasize about how they would have done things differently if given the chance? Or even replay in their head over and over the desired outcome as if that would erase the true branded memory? Answer: Everyone. I know that life lessons are not always pleasant and when one fails to learn any life lesson, the process begins again and again until the desired knowledge is gained allowing for forward intellectual and spiritual movement. So yes, forgiveness is required but what about remorse? Yes, remorse.

Basically, remorse is regret and I’ve heard many say, “Never regret anything.” Well, those people can suck it because having regret means that you take responsibility for your actions and that you pretty much made a mistake and feel bad for it. In short, you were wrong. I think being able to say out loud and even while looking into a mirror or to the person you offended that you were wrong is just plain honest. And sure, being honest can hurt because growth hurts but again it is all a part of the process of forward intellectual and spiritual movement.

The difficult part of remorse is sincerity. Being sincere is so hard and most people can pick up on insincerity right away. So what do you do? Do you send flowers? Flowers are nice but it is really a form of begging. Verbally degrade yourself so that the person offended can think even less of you? No, ‘cause that’s insincerity at it’s core. Buy a vintage baseball card of the person’s favorite player and present it as a gift? No, still begging. There is nothing that is equivalent to sincere remorse except sincere remorse. So this is my offer:

I love you. I’ve always loved you. I think the world of you. In fact, you are a bit of a muse for me, which is most likely why I’m so drawn to you in the first place. You have always inspired me to do better and I was totally wrong in my actions that hurt you directly. I wish you nothing less than love, success and happiness.

Ever since I graduated from college, they’ve been after me for money. I had to take out several loans to get my useless degree and it took me about 10 years to pay it all off. All through those 10 years, there was my college hitting me up for cash at every turn. It really made me feel like a failure because for some reason, everyone thought I would be making big bucks fresh out of college. And the truth is, everyone who looked at my resume - even the local recruiters - thought my college was located in the Caribbean on a remote foreign island or that it was an unaccredited junior college located off some dirt road.

So here we are, 20 years later and the college has kicked up the fundraising by trying to sell me an actual phone book with all my classmates contact info - but only the nine classes after I graduated - naturally. Hello! Heard of Facebook? Oh, but just using facebook doesn’t “support” the college. Since when does that college need MORE of my support? What’s in it for me? Honorable mention? Fuck You.

My Recent Dream

I had a vivid dream last night. I was sitting on a bench along a walkway outside but underneath a large vine covered lattice. It was a beautiful day in the countryside. Across from me was a fenced large grassy hillside where a brown and white cow was grazing nearby a black horse, which was also grazing. As I watched the animals, I commented to my friend sitting next me that the hillside looked too steep for such a short fence. One false step and any animal would come tumbling down into the fence that was a good 20 feet from the bottom of the hillside. The animals looked closer than they really were or so I thought.

Then, a little brown goat came walking down the hill alongside the fence passing the grazing cow, which seemed not to notice the goat. I remember making goat noises to get the goat’s attention. Suddenly, the black horse lifted its head and with its ears flattened back it attacked the cow biting its hip. The cow was startled but began bucking and mooing at the horse. The goat tried to move out of the way but was cornered by the large beasts. The horse then reared up onto its hind legs and as it did, the cow kicked connecting its hoofs to the horse’s belly. The horse went flying over the fence and tumbled down the rest of the hillside landing on the pathway between where I was sitting and the door to a building. The last thing I remember was seeing the glassy dark eyes of the horse staring at me as it laid on the ground with its legs sprawled out on the pavement.

I don't know the meaning of any of the dream so I'm open to suggestions.