Almost every morning, as I walk my children to school, I
have to step over fast food trash, used condoms and empty containers of lube
left on the sidewalk next to my house. I don’t know who is leaving the mess but
since it’s a repeat offender, I know it’s one of my neighbors.
I’m annoyed with having to clean up the mess so I’ve come up
with some solutions that may stop my neighbor’s piggish behavior.
Step 1: Post a NO LITTERING sign on my fence in plain sight
where the offense usually takes place.
I know the first question is: Do litterbugs even know how to
read? I must assume the answer is yes and if the sign can deter further
littering then it’s well worth it. If by chance that has no affect on said
offender then I will try Step 2.
Step 2: Leave a note on the car of the offender.
Sometimes private humiliation is a good deterrent. I won’t
threaten him or use coarse language like I’d like to but I will merely let him
know that his actions have not gone unnoticed by the neighborhood and to
please stop leaving trash on the sidewalk and street. If by chance that has no affect on said offender then I will try
Step 3.
Step 3: Gather the trash left on the sidewalk and street
then leave it on the offender’s doorstep with a note.
The note will be simple. “Dear Neighbor, You left your trash
on the sidewalk again. Please remember to dispose of your garbage in a trashcan
and help keep our neighborhood clean. Thanks!” If he still does not change his
piggish ways then I will try Step 4.
Step 4: I will park both my large vehicles along side my
house leaving too little space for anything short of a smart car, which will
force the litterbug to park farther away from his own house.
Since he has made inconveniences for me, all I can do is
return the favor. I won’t slash his tires or bust all his car windows either
because, he knows where I live and nothing would stop him from vandalizing my
property. Therefore, all I can do is keep smiling while being a total bitch.
I should mention that there is a Step 5. It’s
risky. It’s dangerous. It would work. The litterbug just happens to masturbate
in front of my 4 year old daughter’s bedroom window and even though he’s in his
car; he is still in front of her window. All I have to do is mention that to my
Six9 - oh so protective of his daughter - husband and the offender would get a
not so pleasant personal visit.
